hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
