so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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