PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
