omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
