Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
