I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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