went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....