Texts From Last Night

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  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

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  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6798) Bad night (889)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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  (703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (5516)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.

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  (401): Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight. http://tfl.nu/8i8j
  Replies (12) Good night (842) Bad night (3517)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

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  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6875) Bad night (889)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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  (973): He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird. http://tfl.nu/n9dq
  Replies (17) Good night (4784) Bad night (1166)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

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  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (6300) Bad night (961)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.

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  (330): sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks. http://tfl.nu/zakx
  Replies (3) Good night (2515) Bad night (742)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.

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  (859): I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke. http://tfl.nu/mdh7
  Replies (6) Good night (662) Bad night (1207)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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  (520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg
  Replies (11) Good night (1113) Bad night (494)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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  (978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c
  Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (1218)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.

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  (972): He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex. http://tfl.nu/pe6j
  Replies (6) Good night (1219) Bad night (513)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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  (623): My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today. http://tfl.nu/qhq3
  Replies (16) Good night (410) Bad night (1141)
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  (516): View more from New York

  If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.

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  (516): If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass. http://tfl.nu/pndv
  Replies (4) Good night (472) Bad night (263)
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  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.

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  (351): Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof. http://tfl.nu/kexs
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (293)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm home now if you wanna come over.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.

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  (785): I'm home now if you wanna come over. (913): Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there. http://tfl.nu/5bkq
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (139)

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