So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit