Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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(360): I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock http://tfl.nu/cdtd

Replies (29) Good night (714) Bad night (1232)
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(661): View more from California

What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife

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(661): What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife http://tfl.nu/wigu

Replies (16) Good night (1820) Bad night (523)
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(503): View more from Oregon

i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!

(360): View more from Washington

let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.

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(503): i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd! (360): let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off. http://tfl.nu/xgs8

Replies (22) Good night (1968) Bad night (782)
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(516): View more from New York

It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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(516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f

Replies (9) Good night (6341) Bad night (808)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number

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(843): he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number http://tfl.nu/katp

Replies (20) Good night (511) Bad night (6745)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

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(228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5

Replies (10) Good night (1647) Bad night (3003)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.

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(541): I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me. http://tfl.nu/2bgd

Replies (9) Good night (2786) Bad night (1252)
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(516): View more from New York

my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

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(516): my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now http://tfl.nu/4n6q

Replies (13) Good night (1342) Bad night (2043)
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(212): View more from New York

There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.

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(212): There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'. http://tfl.nu/wlcp

Replies (21) Good night (1444) Bad night (2652)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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(803): Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock http://tfl.nu/bp8m

Replies (8) Good night (599) Bad night (2472)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you get your crutches off the street sign?

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(978): Did you get your crutches off the street sign? http://tfl.nu/v5z3

Replies (2) Good night (1334) Bad night (997)
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(616): View more from Michigan

If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.

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(616): If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there. http://tfl.nu/w9jg

Replies (6) Good night (1469) Bad night (567)
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(315): View more from New York

I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

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(315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md

Replies (19) Good night (2125) Bad night (570)
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(+61): View more from Australia

He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.

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(+61): He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it. http://tfl.nu/rrnk

Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (221)
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(310): View more from California

I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected

(1-310): View more from California

Only you would come out as bi like that

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(310): I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected (1-310): Only you would come out as bi like that http://tfl.nu/6y64

Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (191)

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