Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is wine microwaveable?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.