I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything