Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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  (608): No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat. http://tfl.nu/i15q
  Replies (14) Good night (3494) Bad night (833)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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  (713): I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit? http://tfl.nu/mgmc
  Replies (78) Good night (847) Bad night (3090)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3453) Bad night (1071)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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  (612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr
  Replies (11) Good night (3865) Bad night (633)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"

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  (862): you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen" http://tfl.nu/7vz2
  Replies (14) Good night (5840) Bad night (855)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

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  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (5384) Bad night (1565)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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  (905): ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care http://tfl.nu/hm11
  Replies (13) Good night (3019) Bad night (1030)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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  (651): asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night. http://tfl.nu/52m5
  Replies (13) Good night (1613) Bad night (712)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo

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  (250): Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo http://tfl.nu/a9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (1959) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.

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  (201): I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made. http://tfl.nu/1nr5
  Replies (7) Good night (1958) Bad night (539)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that

  (972): View more from Texas

  How awkward

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah it's pretty fucked up

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  (214): They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that (972): How awkward (214): Yeah it's pretty fucked up http://tfl.nu/97bk
  Replies (6) Good night (689) Bad night (458)
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  (510): View more from California

  Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.

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  (510): Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle. http://tfl.nu/xmjt
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick

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  (502): Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick http://tfl.nu/wl0y
  Replies (6) Good night (280) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.

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  (314): I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said. http://tfl.nu/hdx1
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...

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  (315): He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom... http://tfl.nu/11ht
  Replies (3) Good night (194) Bad night (457)

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