Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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