I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".