a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
