I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet