put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
