jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
