Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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