No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
