God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
