I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
