new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
