somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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