I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
