My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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