you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
