Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
