Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
