those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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