so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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