Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
