we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
