I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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