I'm going to jail i love you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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