Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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