the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
