you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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