i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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