my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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