Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize