Swine flu. Run for my life!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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