Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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