I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My pussy is not your playground.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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