what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
