every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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