Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
