listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
