I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
