I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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