I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
