You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
