She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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