I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
