I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
