there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
