I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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