just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
its liver damage thursday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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