he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
