i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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