I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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