I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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