So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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