I think my fart just growled at me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
