I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Four minutes until I can fart!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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