I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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