i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
