Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And then he peed in my hair
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