Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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